U.S. taps Guitar Hero energy source

WASHINGTON – The U.S. Department of Energy announced that it is making provisions to tap a previously unused power source: Guitar Hero power chords. With energy prices not expected to decline in the foreseeable future, energy advocates are welcoming this new development.

“This really marks the beginning of a new era,” said Stephan Faightan, President of the American Energy Collaborative, “For once we have an administration that recognizes America’s best bet for long term energy sustainability: greasy adolescent fingertips.”

Mr. Faightan also cited a junior college study predicting Guitar Hero-related power could make up as much as 28% of American energy production by 2065. “All we need do now is ensure our young people continue to fall short of their true potential, thus ensuring America’s leadership in renewables,” Mr. Faightan said.

As of June 1, 2009 all retail units of Guitar Hero will come with an industrial transformer, which customers must register with the Department of Energy within 30 days of purchase. Consumers must then contact their local utility company to have the transformer connected to the power grid.

A telephone message to a spokesperson for greasy adolescents was not immediately returned.