The Daily Debacle

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Posts Tagged ‘omaha

Midwest blizzard snarls stagecoach travel

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CHICAGO, IL – As winter weather wreaked havoc across the country this week, no one suffered more than those transiting the earthen byways via stage coach.

Terminals from Santa Fe to Tallahassee reported multiple stage coach cancellations which could leave some passengers stranded for months.

“I left Dallas in October and was hoping to be in Salt Lake City in time to help my son plant sweet potatoes. It doesn’t look promising at this juncture,” said sixty-five year old Solomon Wells who had been holed up with his dog, Blazer, at Denver’s Regional Stage Coach Port.

An official for the Stage Coach Industry said the economy could lose millions in foregone silver dollars, bags of whole oats, and barrels of molasses. He also reported a great number of children being birthed at ticket counters and a few deaths from snakebite. His words came to many as a stark reminder of the enduring trials of stage coach transport, even in this modern age.

Written by ikeusa

February 4, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Omaha to host 2017 Spring Olympics

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LAUSANNE, SWITZERLAND – The International Olympic Committee announced today that Omaha, Nebraska will host the 2017 Spring Olympic Games.

“This is a huge moment for our city,” said Omaha spokesperson Luke Simmons. “You don’t understand. Having the Spring Olympics in Omaha is like having the Pope decide to say a few words at your 12-year-old-sons birthday party at Chuck-E-Cheese. It’s incomprehensible.”

Spring Olympics Chairwoman Ashley Dahl said the public can expect to see a few changes from past Spring Olympics. Among the changes include the addition of competitive sack racing and team hopscotch. Duck-duck-goose and apple bobbing however will be removed.

“Duck-duck-goose is not suitable as Olympic sport. It’s nothing more than a popularity contest disguised as a tag game,” said Ms. Dahl. “Apple bobbing is the fastest way to catch an infectious disease.”

These changes were not expected to be well received by the Latvian delegation who’s athletes have won eight of the last twelve apple bobbing gold medals. The world champion Russian Duck-duck-goose team is expected to appeal the ruling.

Despite the controversies, the Omaha city officials seemed poised to take advantage of this unprecedented opportunity.

“We plan to show off a little,” said Lieutenant Mayor Tom LeBridge, who said the city plans to ban residents with pot bellies from roaming the streets in cut up t-shirts and requiring cars on cinder blocks to be moved to the nearest back yard.

Written by ikeusa

February 12, 2010 at 7:01 am