The Daily Debacle

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Posts Tagged ‘joe biden

VP’s unite to raise funds for Kevin Smith

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LOS ANGELES – Calling what happened to Kevin Smith an “outrage of epic proportions” and the “greatest tragedy since the Market Crash of 1987” five American Vice-Presidents, including current Vice President Joe Biden, announced they would be raising funds to aid the beleaguered film director.

At a joint appearance today in front of the Southwest Ticket Counter at LAX, the five men who at different times have held the second most powerful office in the land, called upon the American public to donate money to help Kevin Smith pay for an additional seat every time he boards a Southwest flight.

“Some people want to help by sending diet pills or fresh produce,” said former-VP Walter Mondale. “Just send your cash.”

Former VP George H.W. Bush echoed the sentiments saying that as Kevin Smith continues to get fatter the need for funds will only increase. “This effort is only in its infancy. By 2015 we hope to raise enough funds allow Mr. Smith to purchase four or five seats every time he flies.”

Former VP Al Gore said there was some evidence to believe that airline seats were actually getting smaller. “Economy class seats have lost one centimeter of width per year since 2001. It’s an inconvenient truth that the airline industry must accept.” Mr. Gore admitted this was based on second hand anecdotes and that he himself has not flown in coach since 1965.

Former VP Dan Quayle attempted to spell “Southwest”, but declined to finish after spelling South: “S-O-W-T-H”.

Editor’s note: Former Vice-President Dick Cheney was not available to be photoshopped at press time.

Written by ikeusa

February 20, 2010 at 3:17 pm

Joe Biden wants to know who ate his Texas Toast

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DOVER – It’s noon in Delaware and the Vice President is angry. Joe Biden is known for his aggressive political nature, but on this particular day his angst stems from something more primal. Truth be told the man is plain hungry.

Minutes earlier the Vice-President had ordered a thick plate of Texas Toast slathered in beef gravy and then promptly excused himself to the restroom. Upon his return, he was greeted by a plate of glistening gravy, but alas, no Texas Toast.

“Who ate my Texas Toast?” Mr. Biden bellowed, as on-lookers tried hard not to look conspicuous. “Honest to goodness folks, who steals a man’s toast?”

Mr. Biden well known for his gaffe laden pontifications seemed in his comfort zone as he sniffed around Linda’s Diner for any probable suspects. “Seriously ma’am, I’ll buy you some apply pie, if you’ll tell me who took the toast,” Biden said, interrogating an elderly woman who was sipping split pea soup.

To his credit, the Vice-President kept his broad smile and sharp wit throughout the ordeal. After 20 minutes Mr. Biden conceded defeat, quickly ordered a grilled cheese sandwich and sat in silence until it arrived.

After his meal Mr. Biden left a generous tip and walked toward the door. Before exiting he pivoted on his left foot, faced the dining room and blurted, “Folks, fess up, who ate my Texas Toast!?”

Written by ikeusa

March 14, 2009 at 7:21 am

Posted in Buffoonery

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