The Daily Debacle

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Posts Tagged ‘technology

Steve Ballmer unleashes DOS 2010

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REDMOND, WA – Steve Ballmer unveiled DOS 2010 today, a disk operating system which he said would revolutionize the future of personal computing.

“We gathered all of the Windows 7 engineers in one conference room and asked ‘What can we do as an encore?'” Mr. Ballmer said to a gathering of roughly 1,200 Microsoft employees.

The engineers’ meeting resulted in the birth of DOS 2010, which Mr. Ballmer repeatedly called the “capstone project” of his career.

Mr. Ballmer demonstrated the systems many features, including what he called a “mouse-free user interface.”

“We’ve eliminated the need to operate a cumbersome mouse. Just keep your hands on the home keys. This baby is keyboard driven.” Mr. Ballmer said to a chorus of audible gasps from the audience.

Mr. Ballmer touted a new feature which would allow users to display 12-bit photographs within the system interface. “You can display pictures of people, places or things. It’s all about adding that personal touch.” Mr. Ballmer said.

The meeting concluded with Mr. Ballmer sitting cross-legged on the stage fielding questions from the audience. One questioner asked if the system came with a camera to allow users to take a picture of their favorite grandparent. Mr. Ballmer said DOS 2010 would not come packaged with a camera but promised to include one before the release of DOS 2020.

DOS 2010 is expected to be on store shelves by August 2012 at a suggested retail price of $2,010.

Written by ikeusa

February 23, 2010 at 4:36 am

Man twitters wedding vows

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TAMPA, FL. – On what should be the happiest day of his life, Matt Redding is no where to be found. His bride, 26-year-old Stephanie Gleason, waits patiently at a solemn church altar, while he is three times zones away in the basement of his parents’ house with his computer logged onto Suprisingly, the bride and her family couldn’t be more pleased.

Matt and Stephanie’s wedding ceremony last weekend was by all accounts a bizarre combination of matrimonial ritual and new fangled tech-fluff.  A handful of spectators looked on as Stephanie wiped away a delicate tear and smiled at a glowing CTR monitor, perched precariously at her side.

The monitor, connected by a series of cables and tubes to the Groom’s home computer, displayed his Twitter page .  Resting comfortably in sunny L.A., adorned in PJ’s and nursing a Red Bull, Matt watched the proceedings via streaming video.  When the officiant finally asked Matt if he would take Stephanie to be his wedded wife – there was a brief pause – after which Matt (a.k.a. Matt4) tweeted: “I Do!”

The couple then swapped a pair of facebook lip gifts and invited those in attendance to join them for a short reception in a comment box of a Youtube video featuring a dreaming dog crashing into a wall.

The couple told reporters they are planning a short honeymoon in Second Life.

Written by ikeusa

March 9, 2009 at 10:00 pm