The Daily Debacle

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Posts Tagged ‘Tech News

Bachmann fires campaign staff, hires Siri

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CONCORD, N.H. – In a move largely praised by conservative commentators, presidential candidate Michele Bachmann fired the last of her campaign staff and bought an iPhone 4S.

“She really needed to shake things up internally. Her staff was holding her back by offering their time, hard work and common sense approaches in the midst of a up-hill campaign. In other words, it was business as usual,” said Nancy Greghill founder of Hold-On a conservative think-tank.

What Bachmann loses in human capital supporters say she easily recovers in technological advantage. Bachmann’s new iPhone comes with “Siri”, a personal assistant application, which insiders say will probably take over day-to-day campaign advisory duties.

During a Sunday night gathering with several New Hampshire Bachmann supporters, Greghill unveiled her own iPhone to demonstrate Siri’s profound reasoning abilities.

“Siri, should we defund the United Nations?” Greghill asked loudly for all to hear.

“One moment. Checking my sources. Here’s some background information on the United Nations,” Siri responded, pulling up the United Nations Wikipedia page to cheers and rapturous applause.

As a follow up, Greghill asked Siri what policies Bachmann could support to best connect with Latino voters. After checking its sources, Siri came up with some highly rated, yet reasonably priced, restaurants in the area that served enchiladas.

“What makes Siri so brilliant are the things it doesn’t say,” Craighill said later.

“Like any good political adviser, Siri makes one stop and consider the deeper connections behind certain issues. I think Michele Bachmann will be well served by having Siri in her camp,” she said.

Written by ikeusa

October 31, 2011 at 11:03 am

Steve Ballmer unleashes DOS 2010

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REDMOND, WA – Steve Ballmer unveiled DOS 2010 today, a disk operating system which he said would revolutionize the future of personal computing.

“We gathered all of the Windows 7 engineers in one conference room and asked ‘What can we do as an encore?'” Mr. Ballmer said to a gathering of roughly 1,200 Microsoft employees.

The engineers’ meeting resulted in the birth of DOS 2010, which Mr. Ballmer repeatedly called the “capstone project” of his career.

Mr. Ballmer demonstrated the systems many features, including what he called a “mouse-free user interface.”

“We’ve eliminated the need to operate a cumbersome mouse. Just keep your hands on the home keys. This baby is keyboard driven.” Mr. Ballmer said to a chorus of audible gasps from the audience.

Mr. Ballmer touted a new feature which would allow users to display 12-bit photographs within the system interface. “You can display pictures of people, places or things. It’s all about adding that personal touch.” Mr. Ballmer said.

The meeting concluded with Mr. Ballmer sitting cross-legged on the stage fielding questions from the audience. One questioner asked if the system came with a camera to allow users to take a picture of their favorite grandparent. Mr. Ballmer said DOS 2010 would not come packaged with a camera but promised to include one before the release of DOS 2020.

DOS 2010 is expected to be on store shelves by August 2012 at a suggested retail price of $2,010.

Written by ikeusa

February 23, 2010 at 4:36 am