“Miss Me Yet?” Conan O’Brien billboard awakens sleepy town

MEEK FALLS, ND – Charlie Wells, age 88, doesn’t know what all the fuss is about. He’s driven past the funny billboard on the edge of town twice since Tuesday.

“That fella looks like a handsome young man,” said Mr. Wells clutching a glass jar of whole milk which he purchased on a recent trip to the only grocery store in town.

He admitted to having no clue who the man in the photograph was. “Is he running for Congress?”

Further into the city of Meek Falls, population 2,330, there seemed to be no shortage of confused denizens trying to ascertain who the solemn faced man with red wavy hair was suppose to be.

So perplexed were the townfolk, that a special meeting was held at the high school to throw out a few ideas.

“I’ve never seen anything so hideous in my entire life,” said Lorraine Burbank, the mother of three middle aged sons. “I wish they’d tear that monster-man down and bring back the sign for Chick-fil-A.”

Charlie Norton, a barber, offered a theory. “He kinda looks like a carrot-top kid who used to deliver my newspapers about thirty years ago. Charlie Rainwater was his name. Anybody remember Charlie?”

The other twelve heads at the meeting politely shook “no” simultaneously. Nobody missed Mr. Rainwater.

Yet, a quick Google search by this reporter, followed by more than a few unlucky phone calls, netted the soft voice of Charlie Rainwater on a mobile phone. “It sure isn’t me. I live in Texas now. Heck, I’m as bald as a billiard ball.”

Strike two.

A few hours later a man in his late twenties was seen loitering around the billboard. He wore dirty, faded blue jeans, a red jacket with a beat up FexEx box stuck on his head. A single tear fell on the frozen ground which was now covered with a trace of fresh snow.

“That’s my Uncle Conan,” he said with steamy, labored breaths. “Conan Johnson. Best FexEx driver this side of Topeka. Lost his job after failing to deliver packages during the ’96 blizzard. He lives in Phoenix now. Miss you Uncle Coney.”

Case closed. (Conan Johnson, do us all a favor, please call your nephew!)